Taken straight from police records, here is the
suicide note of Kurt Cobain.
To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced
simpleton who obviously would rather be an
emasculated, infantile complaind. This note should be pretty
easy to understand. All the warnings
from the Punk Rock 101 Courses over the years, it's my first
introduction to the, shall we say ethics
involvedwith independence and the embracement of your community
has been proven to be very
true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to, as well
as creating music, along with really writing
something for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words
about these things, for example when
we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the
crowd begins. It doesn't affect me in
the way which it did for Freddie Mercury, whoseemed to love
and relish the love and admiration
from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy.
The fact is, I can't fool you, any of
you. It simply isn't fair to you, or to me. The worst crime can
think of would be to pull people off by
faking it, pretending as if I'm having one 100% fun. Sometimes
I feel as though I should have a
punch-in time clock before I walk out on-stage. I've tried everything
within my power to appreciate
it, and I do, God believe me, I do, but it's not enough.
I appreciate the fact that I, and we, have
affected, and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of the
narcisists who only appreciate things
when they're alone. I'm too sensitive,
I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the
enthusiasm.But, what's sad is our child. On our last three tours,
I've had a much betterappreciation
of all the people I've known personally, and as
fans of our music. But I still can't get out the
frustration, the guilt, and the sympathy I have for everybody.
There is good in all of us, and I simply
love people too much. So much that it makes me feel
too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive
unappreciative pisces Jesus man! why don't you just enjoy it?
I dont know! I have a of a wide who
sweats ambition and empathy, and a daughter who reminds me to
much of what I use to be. full of
love and joy, every person she meets because everyone is good
and will do her no harm. And that
terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I cant
stand the thought of Frances becoming
the miserable self destructive, deathrocker she become. I have
it good, very good, and I'm grateful,
but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans
in general. Only because it seems
so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Empathy only
because I love and feel for people
too much I guess. Thank you from the pit of my burning
nauseas stomach for your letters and
concern during the last years. I'm too much of a neurotic moody
person and I don't have the passion
anymore, so remember, it's better to burn out, than fade away.
Peace, love, empathy, Kurt Cobain.
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep
going Courtney for Frances for her life
which will be
so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU!